So there you are, at a party, a bar, the gym or even the bus stop, and you're pretty sure that you've just spotted your ideal date. Just how do you get the conversation going? What should you talk about? How should you act?
Opening Moves
A pretty good way of opening the conversation is simply to say "Hi". It sounds simple, but it's non-threatening and it's almost guaranteed to get a response, even though that's probably going to be "Hi" too. It's then best to stick to some tried and tested openers for the first few minutes. If you're at a party or somewhere where you may have mutual acquaintances, then asking how they know the host or hostess is always a good opening gambit. However, if you're in a bar or somewhere else where there is no previous personal connection, you could try something such as "Are you local?" instead. Avoid dishing out such cliches as "Do you come here often" or "What's a nice girl/guy doing in a place like this?"; these types of cheesy chat up lines are incredibly hard to pull off unless you manage to inject a healthy amount of irony into them.
Keeping the Conversation Going
Once you've got the ball rolling, there are three major ways to develop the conversation flow:
1. Find Out Information
Try to learn as much information about the person you are interested in as you can. Great general topics include:
- Family ("Do you have any brothers or sisters?")
- Work ("What do you do?", "Where do you work?", "Do you enjoy it?")
- Hobbies ("What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?", "What do you do for fun?")
- Education ("Did you go to school with (so-and so)?", "Where did you study for your business degree?")
You can also find out information about their pets, favourite food, birthday, holidays; anything that will help you to learn about that person and allow you to find out your common interests, hobbies and goals.
2. Follow Up
If you find out that they love watching films (or reading or skydiving), follow this up. Did they enjoy the latest box office hit? Do they prefer quieter, art-house films? Which actor do they enjoy watching the most? Which director? What are their favourite 5 films? The possibilities for interesting topics are endless ...
3. Ask Open Questions
Ask "Why", "How" or "What" questions that can't be answered with a simple "Yes", "No", or "Maybe" to ensure the conversation flows naturally. So instead of asking them "Do you know the host?" ask "How do you know the host?". However, do be careful not to bombard them with questions without actually listening to the answers. Take the information they give you to follow up and develop the conversation further.
Showing Interest
When you are chatting to someone else, it's important to let them know that you are listening to what they say. There's nothing more annoying than talking to someone who seems to be glancing over your shoulder all the time, as it gives the impression that they are scanning the crowd for someone more interesting to speak to. On the other hand, staring unwaveringly at a person can make them feel uncomfortable, so it's essential to vary your gaze every so often. Of course - it's also important to know where to look when you are not looking someone directly in the eye; if a man talks directly to a woman's cleavage or a woman seems to be fascinated by a man's bald spot, then the conversation is likely to be a short and awkward one.
If you'd like to learn more about how to show your interest in someone whilst you are chatting, our Flirting section has a wide range of tips, along with a helpful list of essential dos and don'ts.
