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Are You Compatible?

There are many elements that go towards dictating your compatibility with someone, such as your ...

  • background
  • career
  • class
  • culture
  • education
  • income level
  • interests
  • political views
  • religion

Even though you may not be looking for (or even want) someone who is identical to yourself, a relationship can often be easier if you share at least some common ground. Failure to share at least some of your principles and major goals can cause problems after the initial period of infatuation wears off, and unless you are both willing and able to compromise, then you may be laying yourself open to a relationship filled with emotional struggle and hard work. Having the same goals and values can ensure that the two of you will be moving in the same direction and enable you to offer each other companionship and support (not opposition) along the way.

If you hate drinking, smoking and clubbing and your date loves to do all three, then you're going to become aware that you are fundamentally incompatible pretty quickly. So if it's important to you that your potential partner is the same religion as you or believes in fidelity, check this out early on, before you get too involved.

Take a look at the following statements to help you to find out whether you're likely to be compatible with your date. These points are some of the common goals that bind people together beyond the initial stages of a relationship; it's important for you both to agree on at least half of these to ensure a basic level of compatibility.

  Agree Disagree Don't Mind
I believe in fidelity.      
Looks are important to me.      
I like spontaneity or surprises.      
I believe household chores should be shared.      
I dislike drinking.      
I dislike smoking.      
I like the outdoor life.      
I don't like tattoos or piercings.      
I love dining out.      
I need to be with someone of the same religion as me.      
I prefer staying in to going out.      
I want children.      
I want someone who is practical.      
I want someone who is romantic.      
I would like someone who has the same level of educational as me.      
I'm looking for a serious commitment.      
I have a high sex drive.      
It is important to me that someone shares my interests.      
I think ambition is important in life.      
I'm looking for someone who is a party animal.      
It's important that we share political views.      

After you've been going out with your date for a few weeks or months, the initial phase of trying to impress each other may give way to a more relaxed style. At this point, your true characters may start to emerge, along with any signs of potential incompatibility. It's important to pay attention to these signs early on and decide whether they're something you can live with or not. Don't stick around because you assume that you can 'change' your boyfriend or girlfriend; sometimes a person does grow or change, but never simply because someone else wants them to. Either decide that you can put up with their annoying quirks, or leave them; if you start trying to change them, you run the risk of turning into a bully or a nag, and you may end up hating them AND yourself.