Who Do You Want to Meet?

Although the Perfect Woman or Man does not actually exist in reality, what you may find is the person who is perfect for you. This is someone who 'ticks all your boxes' and who you could see yourself happily spending a lot of time with, now and in the future.

Sometimes it can help to write down your expectations. Divide it into "Essentials" (such as "willing to offer commitment") and "Would like, but not vital" (for example, "sporty" or "dark hair"). Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

• Are you looking for long-term commitment or something more casual?
• If you are looking for commitment, do you want a family one day?
• Do you want a monogamous relationship? Is fidelity essential or is it not an issue?
• What level of independence do you want? Do you want to retain your separate lives or are you looking for 24/7 togetherness?
• Is instant physical chemistry vital or do you believe that it can develop in time?
• Is it important to you that you have the same levels of libido?
• Do you want someone near your own age or would an older or younger partner appeal to you?
• Do you feel you need someone on your cultural or intellectual level?
• Do you want them to be your best friend as well as your partner?
• Do you think it's important to share the same sense of humour?
• Do you admire someone who is career-orientated and driven, or would you prefer someone who puts other aspects of their lives first?
• Do you mind (or want) a smoker? A drinker?
• Do they need to share the same passions as you; your love of dancing, wine, films, rugby, books, kick boxing or reality TV shows?

Although it's important to know what you want, try not to be too demanding. The wider the variety of people you date, the greater the chance you have of meeting someone who is right for you. Focus on a few of the really essential dating criteria and make an effort to overlook the others. Keep refining the list, inject it with a little compromise and you'll have of a lot more fun along the way.

If you actually meet someone who 'ticks all your boxes', you probably won't know this at first glance; it's something that you'll need to discover gradually. Although we've all heard the stories of 'love at first sight', unfortunately it's just another one of those Hollywood myths. You can experience many emotions when you first meet someone - lust, desire, longing, a 'connection' - but regrettably, love isn't one of them. Love can only be developed over a period of time, when you fully know about someone; their shining qualities AND their murky flaws. It may be possible to know that you could have the capacity to love someone after a few dates, but it will only develop into something long-lasting once you have really got to know each other.

As you get to know someone, they will invariably reveal certain traits, personal habits and behaviour. These may be qualities that you adore or they may be things that you simply cannot put up with. Alternatively, they may be traits that you may grow to love, but wouldn't be on your initial wish list. This is how it should be; dating is a wonderful way of learning more about ourselves and what makes us tick.